What should I say to my friend?

[Headless Chicken]

Hi - new here. I have a friend who is continually distressed because she says her neighbours are listening in to her conversations and saying nasty things about her. Although we can't be absolutely sure, we are pretty sure from some enquiries we've made in the neighbourhood that she is hearing voices, and she has told us her doctor and psychiatric nurse have told her the voices aren't real. The trouble is she is adamant they are, and keeps contacting the police and complaining of harrassment. Should we be honest and say that we think she is hearing voices? She trusts us to sympathise and it's difficult to know what to say.

Thanks.

[Chris]

It'd probably do her good to hear from a friend that they aren't real. so maybe it would be a good thing to tell her

[Headless Chicken]

Thanks for your reply, Chris. I think I'll probably start with a gentle suggestion that the voices aren't real and see how she responds to that.

[sara]

Hi - welcome to the chat forum. Sounds like you are a really caring friend.

I like the way you're thinking about tentatively trying something and seeing how she responds.

I'm wondering about saying something more in the middle. Maybe that you believe her that she is really hearing the voice and it sounds like her neighbour, sympathising and empathising with her distress, but say that you're not sure it actually is the neighbour and that you think it may be voices impersonating them.

You could also try helping her to find ways of coping with it - whether it's voices like the nurse says or whether it's really the neighbour. There may be things like listening to music or relaxation that could help either way. She may hear them saying nasty things about her and you could help her see that it's not true - some people look at the evidence for and against what voices say and then don't have to take on board the nasty things.

let us know how it all goes.

[Diana]

Hi - I'm a relative of someone who hears voices. Sometimes it can help my relative to talk to me about her worries and the voices. And sometimes that can be hard for me. This site helps. Do keep in touch and we can support each other.

[Headless Chicken]

Hi Sara and Diana - thanks for posting and sorry for the delay in replying. Sara, I'm interested in your middle-of-the-road approach because I was beginning to go that way anyway. In addition to voices, my friend hears what she thinks is a neighbour throwing stones against her window. Is it usual for people who hear voices also to hear other noises? Anyway I did point out that she couldn't be sure who was throwing stones if she hadn't looked outside. However, she was still adamant her neighbour was responsible.

I plan to keep chipping away by questioning things in the way you suggest Sara, as long as it doesn't damage our friendship or make her feel 'got at'.

Thanks again for all comments. I'll keep in touch!

[sara]

hi - sounds liek a good idea - and yes, be gentle and watch your friendship as that's so valuable.

re the stones - it reminds me a bit of someone I used to know - he heard voices and was quite paranoid - but it was also true that people were throwing stones at his window (for him it was school kids and I witnessed it happening the once). Sometimes people do hear other noises, or misinterpret them, but sometimes their interpretation can be correct.

by the way - I'm aware there are some other people with questions elsewhere on the forum - you seem to have good ideas about voices - do you have ideas that might help them? we hope that a range of people will make a range of suggestions for people so then people can think about them and what might work for them. Thanks

[echo78]

Headless Chicken
I have read the post and i just wanted to say. wow i am so gald you found us hear. Its so nice of you to try and undrstand what she going though. As some people would of ran a mile or even just ignor it.

we could do with more people like you.
how are things now ?
em xxx

[Headless Chicken]

Hi everybody. I knew I hadn't been on here for a while but didn't realise quite how long it was since I last posted! Thanks for posts Echo and Sara and sorry I haven't replied before now. My friend's medication has been adjusted and it seems that the abuse has died down, but she is still very sensitive and stressed about it all, and far from well. Also as you said, Sara, it's difficult to be sure that some of the harassment isn't real. I just hope the medication will continue to help - she is now on the maximum dose. It's good of you to suggest I might have a contribution to make to other parts of the forum, but I really feel incredibly ignorant about all this. Anyway, I'll keep in touch. Many thanks again for the support.

:)